Social and Emotional Intelligence Scales

High social and emotional intelligence levels are essential for professional coaches. Writings by Dr. Daniel Goleman and Dr. Laura Belsten on these intelligences underpin our thinking about assessing individuals’ capacities in these areas. When considering the social intelligence quotient (SQ) and emotional intelligence quotient (EQ), we need to consider two factors: awareness and regulation. Awareness refers to our capacity to know in the moment what is occurring, and regulation pertains to our ability to act in a manner that is appropriate and beneficial to all who are present. Of course, a core concern in any discussion of SQ and EQ is the degree of awareness and regulation we have in ourselves and about others. Let’s put this into a simple matrix:

                            Awareness                    Regulation

Self                    Self-awareness          Self-management

Others               Empathy                      Relationship management

As depicted in this matrix, when we combine the factors of awareness and regulation with a focus on self or others, we come up with the four components of social and emotional intelligence: self-awareness, empathy, self-management, and relationship management. Let’s consider the core elements of these components one at a time:

Self-awareness represents

Awareness of one’s emotional state and of the impacts of moods on thoughts, words, and actions

Knowledge of one’s values and purpose

A realistic self-assessment of strengths and challenges

An appropriate level of self-confidence

Empathy represents

An understanding of others’ feelings and the experience from their perspective

An acknowledgment of power dynamics in group contexts

An orientation of service to others

An appreciation of diversity in its many expressions

Self-management represents

Sufficient capacity for self-control and intentionality

An appropriate expression of one’s emotions

Healthy stress management strategies

Work-life integration

Intrinsic motivation while pursuing goals

Realistic optimism

Relationship management represents

Effective communication skills

Respectful expression of one’s needs and boundaries

Interpersonal effectiveness

A transformational leadership style

A collaborative stance in working with others

An equitable conflict resolution approach

Now let’s see how we measure these components. The Social and Emotional Intelligence Scales (SEIS) offer four sections—one for each component—and a corresponding score for each section.

Social and Emotional Intelligence Scales (SEIS)

Instructions: Read each statement. Then choose the word that most accurately describes how well this statement represents you: mostly, sometimes, or rarely. Circle the number corresponding to the word chosen.

How well does this statement represent me? Mostly / Sometimes / Rarely (2 / 1 / 0)


I have a daily mindfulness practice.

I regularly take stock of my emotional state.

I’m in tune with my body’s signals about my emotions.

I have a realistic sense of my strengths and challenges.

I know which values provide direction to my life.

I have a sense of my life’s purpose.

I have a clear sense of my boundaries.

I act with confidence; I am appropriately assertive.

I recognize and trust my instincts.

I ask for feedback whenever I think it is important.

I am receptive to feedback and react appropriately (i.e., I apply it to my behavior as needed).

I recognize the voice of my internal critic or saboteur.

I am open to learning about myself.

I seek opportunities to grow.

I make efforts to become aware of my blind spots.

Self-awareness score (add up all the points you circled above)


 I practice active listening.

I attend to and seek to understand others’ nonverbal messages.

I sense others’ emotions even when they are not verbally expressed.

I let others know that I recognize their emotions.

I seek to minimize judgments about others.

I am open to other people’s ideas.

I am sensitive to the needs of others.

I appropriately reveal my vulnerability.

I make clear efforts to be friendly with others.

I remind myself of ways in which my life is privileged.

I seek to minimize power dynamics in my interactions.

I make every effort to behave appropriately with people from backgrounds different from mine.

I invest time learning about issues of diversity and our human differences.

I look for opportunities to be helpful.

I keep my word; I am trustworthy.

Empathy score (add up all the points you circled above)


I can control impulses and distractions that keep me from achieving.

I am able to organize myself to do what I want or need to do.

I express my emotions appropriately (e.g., I don’t use humor to hide my sadness).

I know my emotional triggers, and I manage them effectively.

I avoid acting before thinking.

I recognize the signs of stress (physical, emotional, and intellectual) within me.

I proactively deal with stress (e.g., physical activity, regular mindfulness practice, seeking social support, and healthy sleep habits).

I make time for recreation and self-care.

I know my limits, and I respect them.

I take time to establish my priorities and follow through on them.

I say no to activities that detract from my commitment to personal and professional goals.

I know how to advocate for myself.

I am motivated to set challenging goals and achieve them.

I avoid procrastination.

I seek to cultivate a positive outlook.

Self-management score (add up all the points you circled above)

Relationship management

I listen to understand and ask questions when I don’t understand.

I check my assumptions with others rather than acting on them.

I am respectful in my interactions.

I am aware of the impact I have on others.

I build trusting relationships with others.

I keep others’ disclosures confidential.

I refrain from gossiping.

I express my needs and boundaries assertively and respectfully.

I respect others’ boundaries.

I am curious about the people around me. I seek connections.

I give others what I believe they deserve; I do not take credit for other people’s contributions.

I look for opportunities to help others succeed.

I’m a team player. I collaborate with others to reach a common goal.

I am able to celebrate others’ success wholeheartedly.

I address conflict effectively (i.e., achieving the goal while maintaining the relationship) and promptly.

Relationship management score (add up all the points you circled above)

Score Summary: As a means of gaining a better perspective, copy your four scores into the following matrix.

                   Awareness                                  Regulation

Self           Self-awareness score            Self-management score

Others     Empathy score                        Relationship management score

Scoring Grid: The following grid may help you assess your work.

Scale score     Component level

24-30 High awareness or regulation

16-23 Moderate awareness or regulation

9-15 Insufficient awareness or regulation

Below 9 Problematic awareness or regulation

What do your scores tell you? What avenues might you pursue if the scores are lower than you wish? If you go back and check some of the statements for which your score was low, do they provide clues for what you might address first?

Please consider your scores’ implications for potential habits and patterns changes.

May you experience significant personal and professional rewards from all the time and effort you invest in these endeavors!